I Need To Share The Truth Behind My Smile

One of my favorite family traditions has to do with travel. Ever since my son was about 3 years old my husband and I decided our family would travel together over the holidays. We always knew it would be a special way to connect and make memories. Last Thanksgiving and our holiday travel tradition continued for its 11th year as we celebrated in Puerto Rico. Would you believe me if I told you that for the first time ever our vacation almost didn’t happen? Since I often share so many other positive things about my life, I decided I need to share the truth behind my smile recently.

What I want to tell you:

I want to tell you that this year has been full of so many ups and downs, obstacles and more than I even care to admit.

This was the year that the career I depended on for the past 13 years unexpectedly fell apart.

I will also tell you that this was the first year I was able to openly write about divorce, my weird family and why I go to weekly dinners with my ex.

Now don’t get me wrong, this year brought plenty of good things into my life, but it was the first year there was a lot of uncertainty behind my smile.

This is something I wasn’t used to. I didn’t realize how much so until my whole family noticed and commented during our trip about the way I smiled and laughed genuinely, without hesitation or caution.

The Truth Behind My Smile 

Since I often share so many other positive things about my life, I decided I need to share this too.

I smile even though many times I don’t feel like I belong.

I smile even though many days the weight and responsibility of adulthood almost feels too heavy to carry.

I smile to hide the fact that I often feel like I am not being the best mother I can be to my kids.

I smile although it breaks my heart to see how fast my kids are growing up and spreading their wings more and more each day.

I smile even when I want to scream when watching how my daughter’s anxiety stops her from doing things she loves.

I smile when my friendship towards others isn’t valued the same way I value them.

I smile at home even though my wanderlust constantly tugs at me to travel and explore the world.

I smile during the holidays behind the pain of having family problems that keep us apart, but always incredibly grateful for my immediate family, including my son’s father.

Why I need to share the truth behind my smile:

Because no matter what may be going on in mine or someone else’s life, I want people to know they are unique, loved, appreciated and deserve to be happy.