My husband and I had a pretty big argument recently. I won’t go into details, but we actually still don’t see eye to eye on a few things and I guess we will have to agree to disagree for now. To be completely honest with you the words I think I want a divorce floated around in my head more than ever in our relationship. My mind was spinning over how to handle things, while also trying to keep my emotions in check, because it recently hit me just how tough marriage, parenting and also adulting can be.
Marriage is Tough
Currently I am wishing I could take back all the times growing up when I said I couldn’t wait to be an adult. The weight of responsibility some days feels overwhelming and I have actually lost my balance in life.
Lately my mind has wandered back to the days when the kids were smaller and we both had big dreams of traveling the world together, or at least moving to explore and set roots somewhere new with our family. Now it seems like those days are so far away and clouded over by careers, bills, schedules, responsibilities, kids, dogs and more.
The person who taught me to step outside my hometown of Philadelphia, throw caution to the wind and travel, has become the more sensible one in our relationship over these 11 years. He says it’s not easy living with a person who has extreme wanderlust and constantly talks about how travel has ruined her life.
When To Divorce (or not)
There are times I feel like we have grown apart and I selfishly think I want a divorce, then I realize the severity of my thoughts. I look around at the life we have created together and memories made.
All of the things we have been through together, along with the weird family we have built, have shaped who we have become, and trickled down to rub off on the people we are raising.
Each October 13th we celebrate our marriage (12 years coming up) and I admit there are days I can’t believe someone has put up with me for that long.
Someone who consistently shows up.
Someone who never cares about his own wants and needs, but supports my hopes, dreams, disappointments, failures, frustrations, wins and more.
In the future, if the words I think I want a divorce start to seep into my head again, I will remember that I recently asked my 9 year old daughter what her favorite story is with a happy ending, and she said ours.