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Yesterday my kids had a snow day. I often dread snow days, mostly because I absolutely hate winter, but I’ll be real since I am not always the parent my kids need me to be, and tell you also because it means my kids are home all day long. That is code for I’ll be playing the role of referee, chauffeur, chef, master lego builder, librarian, bedroom remodeler, Nintendo Switch moderator, creative snack maker and more, in addition to Mom.
This snow day was different though.
This snow day provided me with something important to remember and hold on to, especially on the days when I feel like I am not enough.
Do you ever get that feeling?
To try to describe it would be to tell you it’s a feeling that is too often bubbling beneath my normally positive exterior.
To try to explain it would mean I would need to share with you how often I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, no matter how much sleep I lose, no matter how much effort I put in I am not enough for the people who matter to me most.
My feelings shifted and my perspective changed somewhat thanks to this unwelcome snow day.
For starters my husband also had the day off from work due to the snow, which meant I wasn’t going to have to stress over attempting balancing working from home, spending quality time with my kids, taking care of the dogs (which I never wanted) and the house on my own.
My teenage son wound up going to hang out at a friend’s house for a while, while my husband and daughter played games, seek and finds, cards and tic tac toe. I looked on wistfully and wondered about balance.
Does really such a thing exist?
Trying to figure that out is a daily source of stress for me because it pulls at my heartstrings when my kids ask me to play, watch them do something or simply sit with them, and for one reason or another I have to miss out. They are growing up so quickly and I feel like every time I blink another year has flown by with them. I wish I could smash the invisible hourglass to pieces and freeze time with them some days.
I constantly wonder if I am enough for them.
Will they look back someday and know that I gave them everything I could?
Will they understand that it was okay for me to take time for myself and practice self-care so I could be even better for them?
This was the snow day that would change my feelings of not being enough.
I decided to stop working, thinking, stressing and instead asked my daughter if she wanted to play in the snow. She looked at me like I was crazy and reminded me she was still in her pajamas. Well we went out and played in the snow, pajamas and all. We laughed and played in the cold and snow until we froze.
After we came back inside and my son was home the family fun continued. Instead of heading back to my computer and working more, we picked out old board games and proceeded to play for hours.
Between playing rounds of Guess Who, Uno and various versions of Monopoly, I realized it was getting late and we hadn’t eaten dinner yet. My original plan was to make tacos for dinner, but I realized the meat wasn’t any good. The kids looked bummed until I suggested we order Chinese food and keep playing more games. (Secretly I think they were wondering where their real Mom went.)
Unfortunately our snow day fun had to come to an end once bedtime rolled around.
What I am about to share with you is what I will hold on to and remember most on the days when I feel like I am not enough.
Before the kids went to bed they hugged me like always. After they fell asleep I got started writing this post. I had already written the title in between playing earlier that day, but nothing more, so I was surprised to see three simple words already typed on the screen. Tears rolled down my face as I read the words “you are enough“.
The next morning I asked my kids about it and my son said he got upset when he read the title to my post, because not only am I enough, but sometimes I am too much. I had to laugh at that second part.
So remember the next time you feel like you aren’t enough, there may be other people watching who could surprise you and let you know you are exactly what they need at that time.